Beyond
the Stigma

Learn the difference: stress, distress, crisis

If you suspect your child is at immediate risk for suicide, dial or text 988 to speak with the suicide and crisis lifeline 24/7.

Together, let’s reframe the conversation on children’s mental health.

Parenting is incredibly rewarding, but let’s face it, it’s tough too. As caregivers, you pour your heart and soul into giving your kids everything they need to succeed, including love and support for their physical and mental health.

Sometimes, though, our kids might struggle in ways that aren’t immediately obvious. That’s why it’s important to have the tools to recognize the difference between everyday stress and more serious challenges they might be dealing with.

Learn more about how to spot signs of growing challenges in your child’s mental health and find resources for additional help.

Brought to you by the University of Iowa College of Education’s Scanlan Center for School Mental Health. Learn more about how the Scanlan Center is enhancing the well-being of Iowa’s schools, students, and educators here.

Making Sense Of Stress

When we experience upset feelings or observe it in another person, it’s common to chalk it up to “stress.” But not all stress looks alike.

Stress exists on a continuum; at the far end of it is crisis, something a lot more serious. Popular press and social media tell us too often that our children and teens are more depressed and/or more anxious than ever. Anxiety and depression are both diagnostic terms that do not always accurately represent how our children are feeling.

Stress doesn’t always equal distress and crisis.

Click the cards below to learn the differences.

Stress

Stress

Distress

Crisis
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How To Respond

Your child is experiencing challenging emotions. How do you respond?

First, understand that stress is completely individual. It is not necessarily about the stimulus, but the response. What causes one person stress may not for another, and how they experience stress respectively will look different. Here’s how you can respond and help your child manage:
Talk to your child when and where connection can happen. Suggest a walk, a car ride, or their favorite activity and create the space for them to express their feelings without judgment.
Take a deep breath and ensure you are in a headspace where you can attentively listen and respond with empathy.

Listen actively. Hear them when they speak and demonstrate your willingness to understand.

Try these conversation starters:

What do you find to be helpful when you are upset or stressed?

Are there things I can do to support you when you feel upset or stressed?

Who can you talk to when you have these feelings?

Are you thinking about suicide or self-harm?

Be careful not to minimize their feelings. Have you ever said “well at least you don’t…” or “when I was your age…”? Respond instead with phrases that validate their feelings and express empathy and sympathy, e.g., “I’m glad you shared that with me” or “It’s okay to feel (emotion).”

How To Help

Unlike adults, children and teens may not have developed the tools to self-regulate emotions. Some would benefit from the opportunity to share their stressors with a trusted adult who will normalize them instead of dismiss them. Words of encouragement and affirmation alongside tangible activities for stress relief, like breathing techniques or counseling, can be greatly beneficial. Allow them the space to explore what activities work for them.
Some kids and teens would benefit from…
  • Seeking out therapy or talking with a mental health provider
    • Need help finding a Iowa-based mental health provider or finding a therapist? Visit Welltrack Connect.
  • Their parent or caregiver talking with the child’s pediatrician about their concerns.
  • Their parent or caregiver talking to the child’s teacher, school counselor, or other trusted adult in the school to let them know what is going on and to help consider opportunities to further support the child in the school setting.

Feel free to use the following questions to help assess what your child is experiencing.

What signs or challenges have you noticed regarding your child’s mental health?

My child has expressed feelings of sadness, hopelessness, or worthlessness.

My child frequently complains of physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or other pains without a clear medical cause.

My child’s academic performance has changed, e.g., a sudden decline in grades or lack of interest in school.

My child has started to withdraw from social activities, spending more time alone, and avoiding interactions with friends and family.

My child has expressed feelings of being overwhelmed, anxious, or worried about various aspects of life.

My child’s routines or self-esteem has changed, e.g. trouble sleeping, changes in appetite/eating behavior/relationship with food, or negative body image.

My child has expressed thoughts of self-harm, suicide, or other signs of self-destructive behavior.

Join our community for supportive resources, insightful articles, and empowering content focused on mental well-being. Valuable insights, practical tips, and meaningful connections – straight to your inbox.

Resources to Download / View

Scanlan Center Resources for Parents / Caregivers

Together, let’s reframe the conversation on children’s mental health.

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Stress

Stress

Unsettling feelings in response to challenges that require your attention, i.e. “I am feeling really stressed out because I have a big project due tomorrow.”

Distress

Excessively challenging feelings OR acutely intense feelings in the moment, i.e. “No one at school likes me. They bully me. I will never fit in or have friends.” Or “I’m so angry right now I could hit someone.”

Crisis

Intensely difficult, sometimes unexpected, emotions or situations where coping is challenging. A crisis could result in disruption in effective functioning or a possible/actual threat to self or others (i.e. “I give up. I see no purpose or point. I don’t care anymore. I just want the pain to stop.”)